3 Months Post India

I thought I was done with this blog thing but something happened today which I realized India is definitely not out of my system. So 3 months post india it is clearly still always on my mind. It is first all around me - i decorated my entire room india themed with a gods poster, a nepali calender, hand painted cloths with elephants on them and best of all my beautiful saree is hanging in my common room. I have post cards surrounding my bed and even two genesh statues. I also have prayer flags in my kitchen and the anapurna sancuary trek map in my bathroom. My roommate totally hates me for an india overload.

India is honestly always on my mind. I feel like I see the world through the lense of Hubli India. Sometimes I close my eyes im in india and am seeing the busy streets of hubli. Everytime i see indians I am infatuated and want to interrogate them with questions. I went to the UTSAV - South Asian Student Association semi formal on friday. I started crying when twist came on. It was so great to be in my saree and it was so freeing to dance to all my favorite bollywood songs and bring back their fantastic dance moves. I was also able to talk to some of the american born indians which was really interesting to hear their perspective on american vs. indian culture.

I also realize that I will carry Hubli with me for the rest of my life. I didnt expect this experience to having this much of an effect on me. Sometimes I wish I could go back to how i saw the world before india. I wish i could be ignorant and not knowledgeable. THis is so cliche but i feel like you can read and see pictures of everything and that can never replace living there. I also feel an anger towards eastern culture. I am angry how different it is and how it makes no sense. I am angry at india for misguiding me. I am angry that I see india so differently now. it was top on my list for so long to visit and now i have no interest in travelling. When people ask me about what to do when they visit india and how its their dream to go there, I want to tell them to "just skip it." I realized I was very hurt by this country. I am hurt by what I saw and how people live. I was hurt by how cold the culture was and how difficult and isolating it was. I am frustrated by how difficult and overwhelming their problems are. But i feel so all knowing by identifying their "problems." I mean i guess I just need to realize that though our culture and lives are much different every human has the right to clean water, nutritious food and a safe home and community. These are things that I can help with in the future.

After ive come home I have been so patriotic. I am clinging to the things that make me an american and celebrating the diversity that Boston has. People always tell me to visit them while their abroad. right now im like hellllll no i want to stay here as much as possible I'm not leaving this country for a very long time.

So I randomly had lunch with a friend of mine from the trip today. As we devoured burritos together I was finally able to really breakdown a lot of what i was feeling. The first thing i got out of our conversation is my hatred and fear of india. hatred is way to strong but i just felt so out of control there. having no idea what was going on all the time. Nothing in life made sense there. it was so foreign. so different and no way to relate to it. i felt isolated. Now at home I feel like im clinging on to america. I have no interest in leaving for a very long time. I remember in india closing my eyes and wishing that i opened them at home. I would dream about the moment of landing on american soil and feeling safe. and secure and at home. I never thought I had that type of vulnerability.

I also saw so many positives. I have this new Ive conquered the world feeling. Like I can do anything if i lived through India. Ive also now visited every continent except for Australia and Antarctica. I was also able to really understand myself when I was there. its not easy to have no tv internet and distractions from daily life for 2.5 months. I really learned how to sit - in the dark (when there was no power) enjoy the silence and really get to know and meet the people around me. We had all night giggling sessions and dance contests and card games. I dont know when ill be in such an isolated environment again where i can really sit down and get to know myself and the people around me.

So Danielle and I also talked about the research that she did. She interviewed 20 women in a village near hubli. She learned about the technologies they use. Now that is real research and many of the women had purchased their tools using micro credit loans from RAPID - one of the NGO's we worked with. She was so inspired by these women who told her that their families had more food on the table after working with this NGO and that their jobs had larger out puts from having a micro loan. I realize the opportunity that I had and how I am still slowly reaping its benefits and understand the lasting effects of my India trip.

Today in my community and public health class we watched a movie on the website RX survival - amazing movies - about the eradication of polio in india. Just seeing the small villages and homes and little kids with the eye liner on. i just broke down. and all i could remember and think about was this one day i was doing research in downtown hubli with nazeefa and we were sitting at the bus station and literally all eyes were on me. we just sat and were talking to figure out what we needed to still do on our project. people were busling all around us and kids were coming up to us and asking me never ending questions and there was this guy walking on his hands - he clearly had polio and he was going towards a bus. This image will just stick in my head forever. I still have memories like this of togo, of the people with leprosy on the side of the road covering their face. Sometimes I wish i had never seen these things. they are just wearing me down. but they also inspire me. because the movie also talked about the small pox eradication, its just so cool to think my dad was a part of that. I hope to be able to make a change in the world like that.

Whew, that was a lot of information and it probably doesnt make to much sense but its what I'm dealing with now post india.

Im home and venting

Hey all im home

so its taken me about a week and half to force myself to kind of process everything write some of it down.

it was really hard for me to come home. realizing how unbelievably fortunate i am to have the lifestyle that i live.

my first shocks:
driving on the other side of the road and the driver being on the right. Yesterday i went on the left side to get into the drivers side. that was weird.

WESTERN TOLIETS - OH I MISSED THEEE SO MUCH! You have no idea i mean it was interesting for the first six weeks without western and without TP but I absolutely could not take it anymore once we got to nepal.

I will never take for granted a great western toilet with a plethora of toilet paper.

Anotther thing is just how clean everything is. I remember the hell day me molly and ashley were flying from kathmandu to Bangalore and we got into Delhi and we went to the bathroom and it was clean and western - we all almost cried. literally. Now we were living very budget in nepal and i think it really got to me a lot.

Its also been so weird hearing american music again. There is so much new and great music at home. First it was weird and now everytime i put on my bollywood i need to turn it off. its really terrible. so squeaky and it freaks me out when i hear so much english in it because it just sounds terrible.

but i do miss india a lot. Until I start thinking about how much i love/hate hate hated it. honestly i dont think there is a culture in the world this is so absolutely different and complicated and rooted as india.

I had a dream last night that my family moved to bangalore. it was more of a nightmare. i was really surprised by my reaction. it was actually terrifying. i remembered how impossible it is to communicate with everyone. I was just stared at and so uncomfortable. All the people looking at me and i hate how in india its impossible to just go and buy something. it takes forever to bargain and attempt to communicate and its just so issolating and NOT a welcoming culture.

i was jsut so uncomfortable there. i remember when i was traveling with my parents we would show up to these places and i did not want to get out of the car. i jsut felt to attacked. the beggers and the sellers and the overwhelming nature of india.

all i wanted was to be around other tourist and to feel safe. i think i just felt so uncomfortable with alllll of the attention. it was never good attention . i remember just at night walking around in dharwad one night and just the hords of men just staring at us. just hte feeling of so many eyes on you and just the violation that i felt with it. they jsut looked at us so sexually and it was so uncomfortable.

i think on top of the oppressive role of women, i hated the men that are everywhere in groups. there creepy and always drunk.

we would go out to dinner and it was all men and we had to sit in the family section ebcause we were women and all the men were getting drunk and staring at us.

i mean not just looking. getting up and taking pictures without our consent and having their eyes glued on us.

i remember this one night we were at a bar and there was literally a 12 year old kid as a bus boy. and they had the worst bathroom. uhh it still haunts me and it was both male and female and it was so disgusting. uihhhghgh i cant even think about that.

uhh and the time in bangalore when we called downstairs at our hotel becasue we wanted a liquor store to buy beers and then drink in our room and the WOMEN downstairs told me that women dont ask those questions and to put a man on the phone. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT.

Just the role of women just gets me so heated. im so not used to having to ask a guy to come with me at night to go some place and to never walk anywhere alone.

ohhh and the head wobble! every indian does it. men. women. children. its an ambiguous way of saying yes/just being really misleading and making no sense.

Another thing i realized is just how completely deeply rooted the culture of india is. soooooo deep and the way prayer works and the different mark and colors on your head which show that youve prayed and to what god. it just so incredibly different.

I just dont know how to answer when people ask me about india. itsjust so overwhelming

i want to tell them about the cows, the traffic, the nooicese peeing everywhere smog but i just cant even believe that i experienced everything. the idea that there are no such thing as a line. and everyone is so agressive and even standing at line buying groceries is stressful.

and haggling over a rickshaw and ordering at a restaurant because i dont know what anything is and it always too spicy or weird and not comfort food. i missed just eating food the way i like it and having a real kitchen that isnt covered in ants and smells funny.

okay this was a sufficient vent session.

thanks for listening.

ill be back soon for more of this

GOA

Wow so we just got back from GOA! Las VEGAS of india - but definitely not as exciting. But we stayed in a beautiful 5 star hotel that rebooted me for the next 3 weeks. I got an oriental massage - best decision ever and we lounged on the beach and went clubbing all weekend.

Goa is a little Portuguese state in India (it was colonized by them). It is mostly catholic which is so weird since i have been so used to seeing ganesh and all of the hindu statues in taxis and rickshaws and now all there was was crosses.

I also went parasailing over the arabian sea which was sketchy and beautiful! Goa was like going to a different country. I could finally show my shoulders and knees in public and even wore a bikini though there was lots of staring. It was also ridiculously international. We met people from australia, somali, dubai and ireland. I also became good friends with this group of 22 year old indian guys who were in goa for a bachelor party for one of the guys who was getting married in december. He had met his wife twice and it was of course arranged. One of the other guys had a girl he really liked but he didnt think his parents would let them marry because she was in a caste below him.

So we are finally back in Hubli and are beginning our social entrepreneurship/grassroots training program. There are 3 americans and 3 indians in my group and we will be working on a social issue in india and creating a ngo to solve the problem. There are 20 indians we will be working with for this program and they are all super nice and i cant wait to get to know them better.

For our last project for my agricultural ngo we created 10 model kitchen gardens for the villages that my ngo works with. We provided seeds and women's health flip books for the villages and a training manual to train self help group leaders(identified community leaders) who will teach and provide health training for their villages. This is a very abbreviated version but each group did absolutely amazing work and created programs that will truly help their organizations that they have been working for.

ahh i have hw to do!

adios

love,

xxoxoxo

Sarah

diwali

Hey All

Wow so much has happened since dehli. We finished our service learning projects and went to goa for a long weekend.

ohh and i realized that i forgot to tell you all about DIWALI! Wow so this is the festival of lights and we went to dehli to celebrate it! This is pretty much the christmas for india and its very family oriented and you save up your money for this holiday to give your family presents and women always get a new diwali sari. So we celebrated by walking to the nearby neighborhood by our hotel and buying about 15 dollars worth of fireworks. Every house had lights outside and we all bought these yellow carnation necklaces. These carnations are EVERYWHERE in india. They are hanging on offices, homes and stores. Also women wear these white flowers in their hair. So walking down this street in dehli was magical. families in the street together lighting fireworks and crackers and the entire neighborhood was outside. It was so beautiful. We got our whole group together and we lit fireworks in the street with this family and they were so sweet and we have a lots of pictures and movies of all of us yelling happy diwali to each other. The family had some HUGE fireworks that would never be legal in the US and i got pelted with one and had a huge bruise for a good week after diwali. We also got harassed by what we call "feral children" these are kids who are wild. Probably homeless or are very poor and are somewhat animal like. I know this is a crazy concept to think of but thats just all i can think of how to describe them. They have no manners and just do things like grabbing you and touching you and pulling money out of your hand without any concept of manners or how you would expect a child of that age to act.

Nirvana!

hey all

Sorry i have taken so long to finally write another post. Our internet is acting up and we just got back from Dehli so i havent had time to update! hmm so last thursday we met with the women i taked about before to interview them about their health and nutrition. the village was adorable. we were first brought to the head of the village who welcomed us and of course gave us chai tea. We met all of this grandchildren and his 85 year old frail mother. We were then brought to two families and in our interview with the first we talked to 2 generations of mothers about their overall health including sanitation, nutirition, and maternal health. it was so interesting. most women didnt know anything about vitamins and 85% of the women in our area are anemic. The home had one blub so a little bit of light and they had livestock - one cow which lived in their home. definitely not sanitary and it smelled terrible.

The next day we left for Dehli. We stayed at a 5 star hotel and it was so great to have running water and electricity all the time. Our water works though sometimes it turns off during the night and electricity outages happen alllllll the time. They also had AMERICAN food! They had a great deal of unlimited pizza pasta and beer for 750 ruppees which we lived on. They also had mcdonalds which was quite an experience with masala chicken burgers. We explored the redfort and went shopping. I bought SO many fantastic clothes and scarfs for so cheap. The city reminds me a lot of dc - it was a lot riched and much more modern looking than mumbai and hubli and had tons of traffic circles and even a big lawn much like the national mall.

Then we went to AGRA to see the taj mahal! it was so beautiful and way more astounding than i expected. We watched the sunrise and it was such a great day. And we left for hubli the next day and the flights are great and it feels very 60s as the flight attendance and dressed beautifully and there is so much food and there are tvs. and there were tons of ads to lighen your skin and become fairer. The people were also much lighter in the north and it has more of the steriotypical foods of india than in the south.

So now im finally back in hubli and we are working on our project. Our project is great and were creating a pictoral booklet to teach women in the villages that baif our nonprofit provide for.

And best night of all was last night where we finally went our first night club nirvana, We had tried to go in mumbai but clubs were closed due to elections and in dehli only couples are alowed in. We went to nirvana with our indian friends from our program and we danced and were crazy and quite a specticle.

okay i ahve to go to dinner!

India Minda Shindia!

WHOOO IM HEREEE
Okay hmm where do I begin...

I'm in india with a full out indian wardrobe, binde on my forehead and henna on my hand.

After a 20 hour plane ride and a nice pit stop in frankfurt where we celebrated some oktoberfest at 11:00am and 5:00am Boston time - we finally made it to mumbai at 1:30 am. All I remember is the shock of humidity as we got out of the airplane and the massive amount of colors and sleeping people lying outside of the airport. The city was bussling with rickshaws (a 3 wheeled taxi - which you take everywhere) 50's style taxis and people, dogs and cows sleeping on the sidewalks. I have some great movies of this moment as we took our bus to the hotel that ill try and upload.

So Ive been in india for 5 days now and it is so beautiful, amazing, gorgeous and HOT. I am in love with this country. The people are so kind, warm and friendly. We are somewhat celebrities in this city were in but were slowly getting to know our community and neighbors.

Okay so where do i begin:
Day 1: Mumbai
This city is fantastic. Over 20 million people. A city full of people peeing, pile of trash everywhere and color. It is also predictibly very crowded. You would walk down the street with bumper to bumper with traffic and see a beautiful apartment building with a row of slums surrounding the building. What was especially shocking was the homeless families that you see all over the sidewalk begging for money. A friend and I got up early to go walking and a baby under the age of 3 with no pants or shoes walked with us for 3 blocks asking for money. We saw the slums which are in slumdog millionaire and those right by the airport - which you see in the movie. Honestly we were only there for a day and a half and I didnt get a great feel for the city and really want to revisit it.

Day 2- Now: Hubli

We finally flew to our main location for the next six weeks - hubli. located in the north of karnataka (the same state where bangalore is). This city is fantastic. Just over a million people live here and our twin city darwad which is 20 km away. Its a collegetown so there is a ton of young people. We are working at a college within walking distance and are staying at this great guest house with is beauitful and all to ourselves. We all have balconys and there is spotty wifi in the house. We are working for this foundation at the university so there are over 40 college students in the fellowship at the university. They all speak english and are taking us to a local town next weekend. There are also a bunch of americans in this fellowship which are here for a year working in NGOs. men

I'm working in an agricultural NGO that trains farmers in a community based cooprative. Within the organization we are creating pamphlets for women's health issues to give to village women. Tomorrow we are meeting to interview then at 8am so I need to get my beauty sleep!

This country is amazing and most of the people ive talked from hubli know very little about american culture and society. They have not seen any of our movies and know a very limited information about our music or food.

Also literally every meal is curry. Spices in the morning are really not working out with me but there is nothing else to eat. I'm not sick yet but its bathroom issues are starting to be a problem with some people on the trip.

namascara,

Sarah!

Still in the bean!

Hey all,

So this is my first post - exciting! I am checking out this blog situation to make sure it is going to work when I'm in India! So I leave this Friday the 9th! Ah. I still am not sure if i will have a computer in India, i may only rely on internet cafes.

So here is a tentative itinerary of my trip:

Fly into Mumbai/Bombay for two days.
Travel to Hubli our main location in the state of Karnataka in the South about 5 hrs from the western ocean. Here we will be doing service learning (community service) and project development where we have 1,500 dollars - donated from NEU to give grants to already existing institutions in India.

We take a week off after we get there and go to New Delhi for DIWALI! A fantastic festival of lights - pretty much the fourth of July but lasting for over a week. The entire country shuts down for this. We will also visit agra, where the taj mahal is.

We will go back to hubli for a few weeks then off to Goa - party city, hippy hang out, vegas of India.

Then back to Hubli for a training in grassroots organizing with Indian students in a local engineering college.

Then we end in Bangalore, in the South!

Whew that was a long first post,
Well next time I write I will be in INDIA! AHHAHAHAH

ps: if any of you are interested in contacting me email me at SarahLamm89@gmail.com or facebook me. I also have a skype account SarahLamm89.

Adios muchachos,
Muchos besos y abesos,

Sarah